Why wasn't there a video camera?
Last night, I lay awake in bed at 5:30am, chuckling to myself over something that happened 3 years ago. I was at the Classics Conference, yes a school conference to celebreate Latin (STOP LAUGHING!), and it was my second year attending. The previous year I came back lip-locked on the bus, so this year my hopes were high. I found out that it was our year to host the conference and that we would be organizing a lot of the events. The one oppurtunity that peaked my interest was the Fashion show, where schools display authentic garbs worn by people at the time, while telling one of the tales of mythology. Our job was to create little snippets to fill the 5 minute changeovers. I was responsible for two because I am a stage whore. Even though I am deathly afraid of performing anything for more than 5 people, I love being on stage, and I especially love using a microphone. So I pitched one idea where we had a trivia contest which went well. I got to make fun of a snotty kid, by making him look stupid. I mean who doesn't know who all the Kids in the Hall are? I also got to use some of my favourite movie trivia such as:
What is Edward Norton credited as in Fight Club? the person got that right
Why was the novel Charlie, in the novel "CHarlie and the CHocolate Factory," changed to Willy Wonka when it became a movie?
Of course I threw in a few easy ones like "What was Rosebud?" or "Who provided the voice of the Genie in Aladdin?" The others, I can't remember.
On the morning of the fashion show, I found myself lacking another idea for a time filler. It was only at breakfast when I was eating with a guy named Brad, who was one of the nerdiest guys you've ever seen, that I came up with my idea. I told our supervisor Mr. Yeung that I had everything under control, and that all of our props and music were set up. About two thirds into the show, it came time to see if I was brilliant or a buffoon. The school left the stage and Brad walked out carrying a stool. He moved the mic over and adjusted it to in front of his mouth. By this time the opening to 2001 had been playing in the background, and when the 2001 opening hit the crescendo, he revealed to the crowd.....a blueberry muffin. Suddenly the music changed to The Dust Brothers' "Corporate World," and I think everyone should buy the Fight Club soundtrack cause it's just that good, and Brad began to eat the muffin. Everyone sat there wondering why there was a guy eating a muffin. I myself was cracking up because I love absurdity, and this was absurdity cranked up to 11, because this sketch goes to 11. Just as I had hoped, about 40 seconds into the muffin eating, the crowd went wild. Half were laughing, half were rooting him on to finish the whole muffin. As we had planned, I coughed, and Brad dropped part of the muffin. I actually heard a few gasps, but when Brad reached down and ate what fell on the floor, the whole crowd went "Ewwwww" then laughed in unison. Brad finished the muffin, took a bow, and walked off stage.
If I go to heaven, I will probably be back in that auditorium, sitting there laughing as hard as I did. That was one of those moments that I was truly proud of myself.
Now I know that while you are reading this you must be thinking "That's it!!! He ate a goddamn muffin!!" Well you're right. I dont think if I ever got Brad to do it again, it would be as funny. It was one of those things that was funny because we thought, "I can't believe we actually got him to eat the muffin."
Wonderful times.