RISK-Y BUSINESS

Damn Fez!

Published on April 6, 2004 By Phantom of the Night In Strategy

It's now 2:58am. I have been playing RISK on the computer for a solid 4 hours, and once again, the computer has fucked me over. For the first time, I actually had a chance of winning. I chose to play the Europe map, and ended up with the entire outskirts of the map, while the computer chose all of france and germany with some scattered troops surrounding. My plan was simple: Develop juggernaut generals then squish in! Oh I was playing Ultimate Risk. This one has no dice, but generals, forts, capitals. You get to choose your attack plans so that if you lose, you get angry at yourself for not anticipating a cavalry attack, instead of yelling at two digital dice.

Shane gave me this game on Thursday, and gave me a run-through (or an "ass-kickin" if you like) of the Classic Domination game. We then went to Christine and Dave's later that night, and Christine ended up destroying our sorry asses, but not before I made a pact that I would willingly surrender if I could be the one who destroyed Shane's final army. She agreed, and I had my sweet, sweet vengeance. I ended up dancing a victory dance all over the apartment, but that might have been because I was drunk and stoned. We ended up going to another party downtown, which I think was inhabited by squeegee kids (I swear one of them came up to my car near the Gardiner), and we began to discuss our battle plans for the next fight. We ended up lounging in a crawlspace between floors, so it truly was exciting having the map unrolled over a box in this secret location. The space was filled with smoke, so it was almost like the fog of war was creeping around us. Not that we cared because.......we were drunk and stoned.

I went back to the game Sunday night, and after 7 hours, gave up. I just developed the largest army possible and campaigned around the globe endlessly, while the computer snatched up the forgotten countries that I left in ruins, after witnessing my wrath.

Today, however, I felt there was a change. I started a game at 11, when I got home from Tink's, and actually put some care into this one. I had diligently wiped out all rebel forces in the area, and had occupied all of Russia, Great Britain, Northern Africa, and the Middle East. I was creeping into Germany, and was developing an onslaught that would soon make Portugal and Spain mine. I looked at the clock and saw the time, so I decided to save. Probably my worst strategic move of the game. My copy of RISK is an unauthorized copy. The game runs perfectly, but I seem to have lost the ability to save. In my crazed hunger for more power, I forgot this fact, and ended up losing the game in it's entirety. This further proves that A) I am not cut out for war. I'm a lover, not a fighter. and

I will never learn to look before I leap....or invade....I suppose.

Comments

Muggaz

on Apr 06, 2004

Have you ever played Rise of Nations dude?

it is Risquesk, and very enjoyable. I imagine you would find it entertaining!

BAM!!!

Phantom of the Night

on Apr 06, 2004

I don't know. I'm not very good at strategizing battle plans. I can develop an army fine, like in Command and Conquer, but not "plans."

However, if you want to give me a gun and send me into an area where I am outnumbered by 5,000, and expect me to kill everything to win, then I'm your man.

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