Throughout our lives, we get these desires to be in more than one place at once, or we wish that teleporting wasn't left to the phonetically challenged. Tonight was one of those nights. I would have settled for wings, Hagrid's motorcycle, it would have been orgasmic to be Neo, or if I just had a damn helicopter, I would be happy. If you're reading this, hoping to find some sort of religious or biblical enlightment, I would stop reading. This is the "male," promised land. Imagine your girlfriend with two of her friends in their bras. At first I took this as any other man would take it, "What time is it?" and "Are there Greyhound buses still running at this hour?" Once I realized that they weren't I began to actually think about what was transpiring. Then came the questions, which led to reasonable, yet thrilling, answers. The moment has long since passed, but I thought that I would just spread the joy with every other man in a relationship, as he imagined, just as I did, how promising that land would be.