Well it is the yuletide season and that means two things. One, it is time for some christmas spirit, involving christmas songs, trees, shopping, parties and the whole nut. Two, it is also time for the absolutely painful christmas specials, and the trials and tribulations that are endured, trying to prevent them. Now before you call me Ebenezer, I have to voice my opinion. For the last five years, give or take, Christmas, for me, has been the Olympics of sucking. If sucking was a person, it would seem he moves into my house every December. Why do I have this unholly attitude you may ask? Well that’s because Christmas has been a douchebag to me! It hasn’t always been a douchebag, mostly because I didn’t know what a douchebag was, when I was 12, but if I did.......

I will now present my evidence. Families have all sorts of traditions, going to a certain relatives house, opening one present on christmas eve, waking up at the crack of dawn, etc. My family is no exception. Our traditions however, consist of screaming, isolation, and most recently denial. For some odd reason, we simply cannot let bygones be bygones for one lonesome day. Even on the birthday of that hipcat, we find ourselves yelling at each other over the most meaningless details. While this is most probably attributed to our constant annoyance of one other, it may also be stemmed to another X-mas problem. Nobody is ever happy on Christmas morning. This is either because my mother stocks her own stuffing, which is depressing, and soon leeches onto me, or it is because people never get or give what they want. While receiving presents is not important, it can cause a serious bout of anger or sadness. One tradition I like to keep is making a christmas wish list. It’s fun and it shows you how your tastes have changed since last year. It’s also helpful for people who don’t know what to get you. Now getting what I put on the list is all nice and good, but it’s the gifts you didn’t expect that always seem to make us the most happy. But what do you feel when someone gets you a gift that you hate and have openly discussed your hatred about? Take this awful gift from a dear relative, Classic Country Remixes (remixed in country music). First off, I LOATHE COUNTRY! I love anything with a beat, pretty much anything that can keep my attention, but not country. I do, however, have a fond love of expressing my undying hatred for country. Now if someone knew their cousin, they wouldn’t buy this. I bought my cousin a gift she loved, in fact, she still wears that same pair of earrings. Whereas I decided to melt my gift. I’m not completely callous. I did put it in my cousin’s discman and give it a listen through, because country will never touch MY discman. For those of you who want to know how to listen to a country CD, simply press play, then say in your head 1...2....3... this is shit. 1....2.....3...this is shit. (repeat until CD has finished).

OK that’s a little harsh on my cousin, but when a boy asks for Iron Maiden, don’t give him Garth Brooks. Hank Williams....sure, his music was in Shawshank, Wayne Newton.....that’s pushin it, but only cause I feel sorry for that guy. Every christmas for the last 6 years, my list has been nothing other than a new computer. Until Grade 8, my computer had a hard drive of 500K! I shit you not. It ran in DOS (which did teach me some useful commands) and was only good for really bad games like 3-Demon, and Wordperfect, which I think was modeled after retarded cavemen. All those years and I had to wait until our Pieceoshit V 2.1 got fried during The Great Blackout of ‘03.

These lovely yuletide memories aren’t that bad, but combined with the past few years, they sure didn’t help.